I Don't Know How I Feel About That...

A few years ago, I would have labeled it as jealousy. After nearly a decade, I think territorial would be a better word. Let me explain:

Lat Friday night Scott came home (very late - come to think of it, it was probably more like Saturday morning) from his football game in Box Elder. I was still awake. Maybe it's because I knew they had lost and he might need to talk, or perhaps it's just that I can't relax until he's home. Whatever the reason, I was there. He was putting his things away when I saw it. On the counter was a piece of white paper with a note on it. It was a little damp, and a little wrinkled (it had previously been folded) and it said something along the lines of "does cute car equal cute guy? I'd like to know. Text me!" and it had a phone number. At that point Scott came back into the room and I said, "Um, what is this?" He laughed and replied, "Oh. Do you like that? It was under my windshield wiper when I got into my car after the game. I thought you'd get a kick out of it," and then he threw it away.

I don't know if a "kick" was what I got out of it. What I do know it that I experienced some feelings that I haven't had in quite some time. I can't quite place a word on the way that I felt, so I will just put it this way - I wanted to snatch the note out of the garbage can, retrieve the phone number and send a text myself to the stupid girl (if my kids heard that, they would say "Mom, STUPID is bad words"). I even thought long and hard about what I would put in the text. It's not much, but it goes a little something like this:

"Listen here, you silly little girl - you don't go around texting another person's husband. Perhaps you are too dense to notice that the car is not parked in student parking or that there is a BIG dangling "STAFF PARKING" sign hanging from the car window. Try to be a little smarter next time. Also, for your information, YES - he is cute and he had this cute car TEN YEARS AGO when I met him! STAY AWAY OR ELSE!"

Texting makes people brave, even though I didn't send it. I wanted to, but I thought Scott would laugh at me.

So me and MY husband ended up staying up late that night (or early that morning...whatever) playing Dr. Mario. I could not get over how bugged I was about the whole situation. Scott kept laughing at me and to be quite honest, I was kind of laughing at myself. I kept wondering why I was so bugged and I finally decided it was because of this: I am not jealous. Scott was a young teacher when we met and there were DEFINITELY girls who flirted with him and gave me some raging jealousy. What can I say? I was young. And although on this particular occasion, the feelings inside me were similar to those of jealousy, they were not entirely the same. Territorial. That's the word that best describes the feeling that have replaced jealousy when it comes to my relationship with Scott. Territorial because I have spent the last decade pouring my blood, sweat and tears (oh, yeah and joy...can't forget the joy!) into this man and this marriage and some teenage girl who has nothing better to do has no business stepping foot on what I am here and now declaring as my property!

I kind of shared these feelings with Scott and he laughed and he said, "So, I still got it?"

Yeah, hun. You still got it and I guess I'm pretty much obsessed with you (or at least territorial!)